Freedom and Loneliness

"You come home,

Make some tea,

Sit in your armchair,

Your heart's curtain lifts,

The scenery is falling apart,

With silence all around.

And then, that one light flickers!

Everyone decides for themselves whether that's freedom or loneliness."

I recently started doing something that I wanted to do ever since my father scolded me for making coffee at 2:30 am in the morning: live alone. Although I grew up in a family with only 3 members, me, my mother and my father, I still wanted to live in a place where I wasn't asked to compulsorily make my bed when I woke up. Now, living alone in your early 20s is probably the best thing that can happen to you especially if you necessarily crave for loneliness. It's a shot at having complete control and independence over all the important decision making processes of your home that you didn't have because of your parents. Even though, some might consider it to be a worst thing to experience, but for the loners and introverts, it is a total bliss. The thought of living alone might be terrifying, but once you experience it, it isn't that bad. Yes, it does get lonely at times. But there is a certain kind of beauty in that solitude which you can enjoy only if you let it absorb you. You finally figure out what you actually enjoy doing and only then you take the control of your own life.

Now, people may consider the meaning of 'alone' with all sorts of bleak sentiments like loneliness, depression and unhappiness. But not a lot of them know what solitude actually guides you towards the path of self-discovery, self-sufficiency and decreased pettiness. A new sense of independence, increased need for socializing, getting to learn about what and who actually matters to you are few of the many things that you that you get to experience once you start adjusting to you new life.

Here are a few things you encounter when you start living all by yourself:

1) You will think too much.

There is silence all around. And silence brings thoughts with it. Deep, depressing and anxious thoughts. You will spend most of the time in self-reflection and realize things about yourself that you never thought before. Most of them will be stupid and unhelpful but soon, you learn to filter out the unnecessary ones. After a while, you learn that you're really only the person you need to get over things and life's craziness doesn't seem that scary then. 

2) You'll face some of your worst fears.

There are some strange and scary sounds sometimes around your apartment. But soon, you get used to it. There comes a time when you don't eve bother to wake up when something drops in the kitchen. You finally make peace with the fact that ghosts don't kill people as if they did, they probably would've hurt you by now. 

3) You have the freedom to dance like a lunatic, sing out loud or bath without closing the bathroom door, if that's your thing. 

You can do any weird crap which you wouldn't normally get to do when you live with, well anyone. Although, not closing the bathroom door seems pretty weird, but it is actually amazing. 

4) Your social life improves.

Although, some might worry that living alone might make you a loner but that's not the case. When you live alone, you think. You think about the people that actually matter to you, a lot. After a brief self-analysis, you realize the worth of your friendships and relationships. And you start making efforts to keep them alive, even by going out of your comfort zone. 

5) No sharing of food.

This is my most favorite thing about living alone. There is no need of sharing food with anyone. You can bring a piece of cake or chocolates and keep them in the fridge and they won't get eaten unless you want them too. Also, no one judges you for wasting the food or over-eating pizzas. 

6) The dirty dishes remain in the sink even when you wake up in the morning.

When you live your parents, you can just put the dish after you had your dinner in the sink and when you wake up in the morning, they are automatically cleaned. But not when you live alone. This is probably the worst part about living alone. But soon, you learn to deal with it. Just the thought of sleeping without cleaning the kitchen makes you worry. 

   

The Last Rhyme

A chasm for its seeker,

A misery for the heartless,

A delight for the benevolent

And magic for the masses,

I guess a sad poem is sad for a reason.

I, of all the people, should've known that.

But fortunately, you were the one,

who made me realize that.

I guess we are all drunk on the idea that love,

Only love, can heal our sadness.

And I searched for love,

Unfortunately, I didn't find it.

But you made me realize that,

You don't find it.

It finds you.

Somehow, Somewhere, Someday,

It finds you when you least expect it.

And you have to handle it carefully.

Because it breaks even the most beautiful hearts!

I didn't care if it broke me in pieces.

I just wanted to be glad that it found me.

But there was something scary about it,

It was the fire that lightened up with feelings that haunted me,

How the love came out of the flames,

And the words came out of the ashes.

It was after that everything I had written turned into songs,

And only then,

I realized that you gave me the greatest gift.

You filled me with words

That I didn’t know about.

You blushed like an ocean in love,

Wild in blueness,

Drunk on the belief that there is no tomorrow,

And of all the millions of beautiful words that I knew,

You were the one who taught me

What being alive truly is!

Maybe there is a reason,

Why you crossed my path,

To make everything sound poetic, sadistic and charming!

I wish I could write more about you.

I wish I could stay alone and still let the world know,

How hauntingly beautiful you are!

But I can’t.

Maybe now I have forgotten what it’s like

To hold a hand,

To feel a heartbeat,

To just talk into the hours of night!

Although I still believe.

I still believe that the right poem finds us,

Exactly when it needs to!

Now the world will never know about the chaos.

No one will ever know about these words.

But you will.

With all my silly little dreams,

I’ll sink deeper and deeper,

Staring up at the beautiful sky,

Remembering how your skin felt like light!

Every time the silence gets loud,

I will pour a drink,

And even if I know the past won’t repeat itself,

But I’ll make it very sure,

That at least it’ll rhyme.

Words.

'Your mouth can spit venom or it can mend a broken soul.It all depends on the words you speak and every single one of them has the power to make both the extremities come true.'

A hundred thousand languages, each defining a thousand million words. An intermittent linkage between your heart and your mouth describing what your eyes desire the most, words have a very rigorous power to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate or to humble any living soul. We live and breathe words. Words can light fires in the minds of men, they can bring tears from the hardest hearts. Words are the creator, the creator of relationships, of our universe, our lives, our reality. Without words, a thought can never become a reality. They have the power to build people up and to break people down.